A Memo To Prime Minister BentoBox

Alright so for those who don’t know, the Japanese population is aging rapidly. These people aren’t fucking. They’re not having kids. They’re not getting married. The government is doing all this shit to try to incentivize (I’m sure that’s a word but it’s red underlined for some reason) people to have kids in a very bullheaded fashion. I got a memo for Prime Minister BentoBox. Here’s a list of points. Some are problems. Some are solutions. Having read it, I think you’ll get the picture.

-First off, you segregate the classroom between boys and girls. These kids don’t learn to interact with the opposite gender. Big problemo. And team sports other than baseball don’t appear to be a thing here, so there aren’t boys and girls meeting up at games and shit.
-Your diet is super low in protein. That’s maybe one of the reasons your people are so tiny. I don’t just mean short. They are tiny people. I have hit my head on everything there is to hit your head on in this country. When I sit down to eat at a table with two chairs per side, I gotta rudely move the second chair to another side so I can literally have enough elbow room to maneuver my chopsticks. I don’t even fit at a standard two-top here. And I’m not a big guy. I’m like 5’11” 160. So anyway, protein gives you life and virility. You need that shit if you want people to be horny and shit like that.
-Just off the top of the dome I had another idea. I’m sitting in a single family house right now, which is maybe like 20 feet wide, and I can hear my neighbors having a normal ass conversation through the walls. We did a walking tour of Osaka the other day (Uber Experiences holla) and the guide told us people go to those sex hotels to fuck because they don’t want their neighbors to hear them fucking. You know how you’re more likely to work out if your gym is at the crib? Same concept. Don’t have a solution for ya on that one. Maybe you gotta invade China again. Or Korea. Honestly, Korea is a garbage country and you would do a better job running it than they do. Having spent a week in Korea, it’s a second-world nation in my eyes with a very forceful first-world government. And the people are so cowardly. Go on and take Korea. Please. JK don’t do that we’d have another world war. And in the event of another world war, we know which side you’re batting for. Don’t know why I made that point but there you have it. Honestly, ain’t shit changed since WW2. Shit pops off all those same tensions are there. Anyway
-All the soy you eat. I could be wrong and maybe it doesn’t affect Asian people the same way as it does white people, but soy makes you produce girl hormones. Got a bunch of little no protein girly boys walking around. Speaking of which…
-You don’t seem to have a fitness industry of which to speak. Like, I’m sure you do. That’s actually a cool thing about the culture. You can find a really vibrant subculture for pretty much anything here. But none of it is out in the open. It’s all in designated areas out of sight. But yeah, get your people exercising.
-On a related note, organic food doesn’t appear to even be a concept here. And I went into this thinking your people were healthy and the food is healthy because you’re all zen and shit or whatever. They’re not and it’s not. Oh my god, the more places I see, the more grateful I am to be living in the best goddamn country on this planet. So not only do you not have organic food, and I don’t know what kind of chemical additives and other garbage are legal here – the USA is actually like the worst first-world country in that regard and a lot of the EU is really good about it – but just for starters, you keep hot liquids in plastic containers all the time, you eat with plastic, wrap your food in plastic, everything is made out of plastic, plastic plastic plastic everywhere. While I’m not sure about soy, I am sure about plastic and the fact that it countains shit-tons (count em, one shit-ton two shit-ton, three shit-ton, four, five shit-ton, six shit-ton, nine shit-ton, more), your population is consuming shit-tons galore of phytoestrogens. Look it up. You’re making your population even more feminine than it already is. I again don’t have a solution for you. It appears you’re just past the carrying capacity of your environment. I think you know it. That’s probably why you keep invading your neighbors.
Let’s maybe let South Korea keep their land. They’re pussies, but they’re not bad people. The Chinese are in fact bad people and their government is bad too. Very bad. That’s a whole other point though. When Artie reorganizes the world, I think we should, first off, knock China down several motherfucking pegs in several areas, and then we should take a bigass chunk of their land and give it to Japan. And we should keep taking more and more if they complain. Fuck China so hard. And fuck Chinese people too. They suck. Call me a racist, I don’t give a fuck, I am a racist and I have never had a pleasant or even neutral encounter with a Chinese native. They are just garbage people who trash everywhere they go.
-On the health note, your air is garbage. I feel like I’m smoking a cigarette just walking around. Your cancer rates are stupid high. Why do you think that is? Do you for real not see a connection? Bunch of bitch ass little girly men who don’t know how to talk to girls walking around ingesting chemicals and phytoestrogens. Great formula for procreation, Prime Minister BentoBox.
-Pretty much all drugs are highly illegal here. You get life in prison for weed. That’s fucking dumb as shit and you’re fucking dumb as shit if you don’t see that. Honestly, Japan, I’m rooting for ya because out of all the non-Jungle Asians, you’re by far the coolest. There is a lot of rad shit about your culture. But how would legalizing at least weed not make it better? Do you know how much tax money you’d make for starters? You can’t even bring shit you have prescriptions for into this country. Are you aware that like half of Americans are on psych meds and that pretty much none of those people travel to your country for that very reason? You make people fill out like a detailed application months before visiting where they have to make a case for why they need each individual drug they’re taking? Like yo, step the fuck off and mind your own fucking business. In America, we like to say, “Live and let live.” Think about it, assholes.
-Back to the health shit, I’ve been addressing why people aren’t fucking, but your fertility rates are fucked too. Meaning people who want to conceive often can’t. Because the population is so unhealthy. Fitness is a scientific term btw. It means fit to procreate. Your population is literally growing unfit. A lot of them already are. A very similar thing is happening in America to a large segment of the population, but what’s different about us is that most of the smart people have caught onto this and are doing correct shit and not doing incorrect shit for their health. For a while, this was pretty against the grain. But times have changed and are changing and it’s pretty easy to go to Whole Foods and cop some grass-fed shit and hit the sauna and the cold plunge and blah blah blah these days. I don’t see anybody in Japan doing the right shit.
-You don’t really eat any saturated fat which is super good for testosterone production. Your dietary cholesterol is very low, which is also necessary for sex hormone production. You don’t really use healthy oils at all. You don’t even differentiate between different types of oil. Literally nobody here is aware that hydrogenated oils are terrible for human beings on a cellular level. I can’t find coconut oil or red palm oil. Olive oil is sold as like a luxury item in tiny bottles. I’m sure good shit’s out there, but I don’t see it. I see people cooking on sunflower, vegetable, and canola oil and it’s just called, broadly, “oil”. So your diet is pretty much white rice, which you put sugar in by the way, and little bullshit pickled garnishes and maybe a liiiitle meat or fish. And a lot of fried trash.
-Workaholic culture and supposedly high cost of living (although it’s cheaper than Chicago from what I’m seeing and Chicago is an affordable city). People don’t have time to be with their families, so they don’t bother starting them. And it’s expensive and kids are expensive, you get the picture.
-Your population is really repressed and unhappy and it’s so so glaringly obvious. All these fake smiles and “SO HAPPY,” you’ll literally hear adult women out of nowhere say shit like “SO HAPPY” aloud when there’s a lull in conversation. It’s creepy as fuck. Let people smoke weed. Give them some time to do shit other than work. Expand your cities horizontally a bit. Shit will be more chill and people will fuck.
-Your uber-polite culture makes it taboo to show even an iota of public affection or intimacy and this carries over into private life. Your people are the most compliant, complacent people I have ever encountered. I don’t think a more placid populace exists on god’s green earth. Speaking of god’s green earth, how come you got no colonies? China owns significant chunks of Africa. Why don’t you go do some farming out there too and stop invading your neighbors for a couple years? Speaking of which, did you hear South Korea seized a Russian naval vessel the other day? Lawlz, WW3 gonna be liiiit. And possibly brief.
-The repressed sexuality is so so obvious and it spills out right into the open. But you have this thing where you can be as gross as you want in this culture, but you have to do it in a designated gross place. There are all types of designated gross places. Working women are going to these weird places after work where they pay for essentially affection from dudes who they wish their husbands looked like and who will talk to them about their days and listen to them bitch about their husbands and co-workers. All right in the open. In private, but in the open. If my wife went to a spot like that, I would know we have serious fucking problems and I’m doing a shit job at being a husband. But your cuck-ass male population just takes it. No way that doesn’t feel like shit. But they just take it. What the fuck? You’re just gonna get cucked right out in the open, bro? Wow. Yeah you probably shouldn’t pass on your genes. Wait, but these people are already married so they already have kids. Maybe my argument is fucked. Well, they’d be having more kids. How ’bout that?
-There’s a really good episode of Christiane Amanpour: Sex & Love Around the World on Netflix, it’s the Japan episode. They talk about all this shit. Go watch it if you care. It’s a great show in general. Although I wish she came off a little less like a high school guidance counselor.
-“I bow to no man.” What is the antithesis of a free man? A slave. That’s why I have 16-point stars on my knees. You people certainly do bow down. To like everyone all the time. I know on paper this isn’t different than a handshake, but symbolism is real and symbolism is meaningful. And you are running around bowing to people nonstop. And I think every time you do it, your balls shrink just a tiny tiny bit. Go home and ask your wife, be like, ‘Baby, if I started running around bowing my head to people and even bending at the waist on occasion, would that make you more or less enthusiastic about putting my penis in your mouth?’
-Oh my god, my wife just got home. She spent all day on a walking tour while I was at home bullshitting and she told me a bunch of new shit. First off, okay I’m covered in tattoos. These people can’t take their eyes off me, but as soon as I look their way, they look down or away. And as soon as I look another direction, they stare again. Like, do you think I can’t see this or do you just not give a fuck? If the latter, then own it bitch. Lock eyes. With that said, my wife is a very nice-looking little half-Filipina girl who has a few small tattoos. She just told me they were staring at her super openly and not looking away when she looked at them. But when I’m with her, that doesn’t happen. What fucking cowards. Rude ass cowards. You people are obsessed with politeness. Staring is rude, assholes. You know that? Now you do. Furthermore, I posit you’re not even really polite. You’re just cowards and uber-politeness is a very good method of conflict-avoidance. So you avoid avoid avoid avoid and then when the government tells you it’s time to go claim some land, you fucking rape and murder everyone there is. Wow. So polite.
-More on the tattoo shit: They mandate an annual physical here and doctors report any tattoos to the government and that bars you from having certain jobs. Like, my wife who’s a teacher and a fucking badass one at that wouldn’t be allowed to be one in Japan. Because she has 3 small, inoffensive tattoos. Okay, me? Fine. I have a naked chick on my bicep and syringes on my thigh and shit like that. Fine, okay. But my wife? Small, inoffensive tattoos and you won’t let her teach? Your reason is it’s associated with the Yakuza, Japan’s mob syndicate thingie. She is so obviously not in the Yakuza. So your argument is garbage. Either admit defeat or present a new one. Also, if you have – forget an unnatural hair color – if you have light brown fucking hair, that bars you from all types of jobs. And they make you get a doctor’s note for why your hair is light colored. They literally are just now starting to realize that hair can be naturally lighter-colored in some people. Like how fucking retarded are you to not know that? Honestly. That is kill yourself stupid. White people know black people have nappy hair even though we don’t. It’s just like really obvious and you’d have to be retarded not to see that.
-Put some HEPPA filters in the fucking buildings. God damn. Also, why are your houses so poorly insulated and your windows are made of plastic? Meanwhile, it’s 100 degrees of humid cigarette smoke outside. Why are you wasting so much energy? 11 people have died of heat and over 6,000 have been hospitalized in your country. This. Week.
-Oh, as an aside, and this isn’t a problem – just an observation. I figured out why Asian people’s eyes look like they do. It’s end of July right now and the sun is like nothing I’ve ever experienced brightness- wise. My eyes are watering behind mirrored sunglasses and with a cap on. Shit’s ridiculous. And these people are walking around without sunglasses no problemo. So there you have it. It has nothing to do with keeping sand out of your eyes, which was my prior hypothesis.
-Oh back to food – you don’t eat vegetables. Like real vegetables. I have been totally unsuccessful in locating a large salad. Your diet is literally rice and some flour in various forms with like fish broth and you fucking throw out the fish – you just use it for flavoring. Where are your micronutrients coming from? You don’t eat offal like healthy societies that eat low veggie do. Micronutrients are a prerequisite to fitness, which I already covered.
-Back to drugs – you have a big methamphetamine and paint thinner huffing problem. You prefer that to people smoking and then eating some food and fucking? Literally a formula for fertility and you’re putting people in a cage for the rest of their lives for it? You’re monsters for that and you deserve what’s coming for ya. The West is going to stomp you. Go watch Children of Men.
-You don’t, as a culture, differentiate between rules, laws, and norms. If something isn’t “supposed” to be done, it just isn’t. Like there’s no rule or law that you have to stay at the office until your boss leaves. But everybody does it. Ev.E.Ry.Bo.Dy. And they work until 10pm or later regularly. And don’t come at me with some example of an outlier. I’m talking systems. Outliers won’t flip your birth rate. And again, maybe that’s a good thing because I’m kind of growing to hate you as I write this, Prime Minister BentoBox.
-I talked about women going to weird boy cafes, but overall, it’s a very male-dominant culture and there are plenty of gross places for these repressed slime-Os to go get off.
LOL I just learned 13,000 Russians were arrested Saturday for protesting for fair elections. That’s so Putin. For the record, my stance is fuck Russia and fuck Putin. Putin is a hard, hard motherfucker and smart as hell and I admire him immensely, but I wish he’d die. Although the resultant power struggle might have a highly radioactive fallout. You know who will never have fertility problems? Russians.
-Your people are self-loathing. Example: Your women wear these weird arm-cover sleeve things to keep their skin from tanning in the sun. People are walking around in surgical masks a lot in public – especially women. I have learned a major reason for doing that is not wanting to do their makeup that day. A lot of husbands have never seen their wives without makeup. If you worship white people so much, which it’s very obvious you do, why not take a hint with some of the shit we do to do so well in the world? We’re doing it right out in the open. It’s not a secret. How come you think our country code is #1 and yours starts with an 8 and has two digits while our country is like 200 years old and yours has been here since the dawn of fucking time? Follow the leada leada leada, follow the leada.
The Koreans are even more self-loathing. You go to Gangnam (yes that Gangnam) and you see swaths of people walking around with bandages around their eyes from having plastic surgery done to look more Western. Sad.
-Back to men going to slimey places to get off – there’s a plethora of these behind-closed-doors slimey places. People are getting their rocks off, just not with their spouses and chicks aren’t getting knocked up.
-Speaking of gross shit, sex dolls. Your sex doll industry is booming. These things are being sold at the fucking supermarket. A lot of men have essentially committed to a life of celibacy. You’ll be walking through a store and there’s a dude just looking at anime porn right in the open. Like, you’re not ashamed, dude? You’re not embarrassed? You don’t ever wake up in the morning and decide to get your life together? Are you even aware this is a fucked-up state of being? Do you know there are people out there living much better lives and you can too? Wow.
-Speaking of porn, which is like I said, being sold right by the front door of the 7-11 and a motherfucker will grab a boobie mag with his coffee in the morning, oh and also, there is like an equivalent amount, maybe even more, animated porn than real porn. So weird. So these mags are right in the open (by the way, don’t you guys have internet? what are you, a fucking 13-year-old boy in the ’70s hiding rained-on tittymags in the woods by his parents’ house?) and the Japnese women on there do not look anything like the Japanese women you see in the streets. Japanese chicks are very small and flat all over. Very androgynous. But in their tittymags, the chicks have white chick bodies. They found the outliers and got them to do porn. Also, there’s a massive shortage of male Japanese pornstars. So if you’re a dude and life ain’t going too hot, maybe get in shape and go be a porn star in Japan. That’s an alternate life idea. I’m always having these alternate life ideas for if shit irreparably hits the fan. I guess pornstar in Japan is now on the list, right below enlisting in the French Foreign Legion and above becoming a Tibetan monk with a vow of silence.
-I touched on the media overload, but there is a cartoonish amount of media going on everywhere all the time. I haven’t seen a single person reading a book here. Everybody is on their phones watching crazy CGI shit or reading stupid-looking exaggerated comic books. Oh whoa hold your horses man, first off we call them graphic novels and second off they are a preftigious art form, you say with splatter flying out of the corners of your pimply lips. Go fuck yourself is my rebuttal. Maus is motherfucking art. Johnny Bunko is art. You’re looking at pictures of Goku fucking some chick who’s half human. The fuck kind of life goals do you even have? So it’s like really easy and even encouraged to be a video game recluse who fucks blow-up dolls out here essentially. I don’t think these Japanese women are attracted to their own men even. If you’re just a normal-looking white guy with like super average game, I think you can come here and not even leave the house. Just go on Tinder. You could run through this whole god damn country. Some fit single dudes need to come out here and impregnate all their women for them. I’m being dead ass serious. They’re running around doing kid shit. Come fuck their chicks and drive those softies extinct.
-And on that note, I think that’s the thing. These people don’t fucking have life goals or aspirations apparently. They live to work, not the other way around. On a deep, subconscious level, I’m not sure they want to bring people they love into such a life.

You’re welcome, Prime Minister BentoBox

Yours Truly,
Artie

p.s. Drink more water. You people are dehydrated.

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