Originally Posted: Friday, May 30, 2014
Art meets up with BartenderArtSchoolGirl (hereon referred to as BASG). Chick’s cute. No catfish. Skinny, cute face, nice hips and legs, decent personality. We have a few beers at her place while watching some dumbass comedian on youtube and walk to a bar. Have a few drinks and have some food. $8 for an awesome slice of pizza, a PBR, and a Jameson shot. She teaches the Texas Toast. Walk to another bar for some more drinks. Had some nice hipster coctails.
Make out a little between bar 1 and bar 2. Walk back to her place after bar 2. Shake her faggot impure mut dog the fuck off my leg. Start going at it. This girl’s gotta do yoga or some shit because that ass is like the perfect fucking consistency. It’s all muscle, but it’s super squeezable. Like those gay little Easter duck candies combined with a stress ball (the good kind, not the gay foam ones). Fuck yeah.
She gives me some head and next thing I know, this bitch is crying. I half assedly try to console her, but kind of just let shit run its course and she goes into the bathroom. I go outside for a smoke. Contemplate leaving. Decide I don’t want another DWI at this point in life and go back in.
She’s standing there butt ass naked looking at herself in the mirror. She starts apologizing to me profusely and jumps me. I’m like… aite. Chick’s really aggressive. And I’m normally the aggressive one. She actually says, ‘I know you wanna be dominant but just let me do this.’ I’m like, sure, whatever.
She’s on top of me now. Fucking biting my chest and shit. I fumble for a rubber in the pocket of my shorts lying a few feet away. Before I know it, this chick has inserted me into herself with no rubber. I think, damn that is a nice vaginal canal bb gurl. But I’m immediately super suspicious why she wants to fuck bareback. I know my genes are prime and she knows it too. She doesn’t seem like she has money problems and needs to get knocked up by a provider. Did she just get a disease and wants to exact revenge on men? I push her off and put on a condom as she discourages me. The look in her eyes is the embodiment of disappointment.
I let her ride me for a bit. Chick’s aggressive. She’s biting my chest. Fine. Then, she fucking punches me in the kidney and chest. I was drunk and only remembered this next morning when tiny little bruises showed up in the shapes of her tiny little itty bitty art school fisties. She takes off the condom and goes down on me. I’m like aite, fine. Fair. Got tired of it and flip her over for banging. Can’t find a fresh condom. Don’t feel like going out to my car for one. I pick the somewhat used original condom up off the floor and stretch it over my cock. It’s a fucking travesty. I say fuck it, rip it off, and go bareback. This was a bad decision. I make lots of those. Fuck you, I’m working on it. At least I get tested regularly and almost certainly can’t get pregnant.
Pounding ensues for a while and I erupt gentleman juice all over her back while squeezing that ass that’s gotta be made out of some combination of HoHos and Astroturf (which doesn’t sound so good now that I imagine it but whatever fuck you). She gets cleaned up and is in a weird mood but won’t admit it. Goes into her living room and dances around to hipster music by herself with a beer. Cuddles the shit out of her dog. I lye in her bed and try to look up where white people go to get tested around the new place I’m staying. Last time I went to a Planned Parenthood, I got kicked out after I couldn’t stop laughing when Beyonce’s “All The Single Ladies” came on the speakers as I was sitting in a lobby with 6 knocked-up Latina chicks.
I ask her what the fuck her deal is. At this point, it was agreed I was staying the night. Oh, and her dad’s a pastor lawl. I’m starting to see a pattern. She eventually says she doesn’t want me to stay because she likes me but she feels used and like a slut and probably wouldn’t want to see me again if I stay. Oh, and she wants to go to Church with her pastor dad in the morning because bla bla bla. Says she wants to meet again and insists she’ll pay for everything this time (I pay for girls’ shit whatever fuck you.)
I tell her how she’s not a slut and all that shit with 30% conviction, drink some water for 15 minutes and leave. These bitches are trying to get me arrested I swear to god. Honestly, I feel kind of used. I would have seen this girl again; we had a good time most of the night. I was totally fine to drive, but still maybe a few ticks over the limit and there WAS a chance of getting arrested for DUI. And I already have one DWI and a bunch of misdemeanors and got lucky as fuck once when cops pulled me over drunk and the dude was a bro and pretty blatantly told me to just drive straight home, drive slowly, and cut that shit out.
But anyway, this chick values her frail emotions over me potentially having a seriously shitty thing happen. I don’t know whether I even want to see her again for anything other than just sex. Know what, she might not even get sex from me again because fuck her.
Kind of starting to question what the fuck I’m doing with my life. Even more than usual